What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 08:33
Who then, do I blame.?
I write beautiful poetry .
We were not on the streets..
Witcher 4 Coming To State Of Unreal Event Tomorrow, Here's How To Watch - GameSpot
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Would this be the day?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Dinosaur Fossils Unlock Clues to Cancer’s Ancient Origins - SciTechDaily
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Michaels acquires Joann’s intellectual property, private label brands - WSB-TV
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I have no regrets .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why do I sometimes hear full conversations when I am alone?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But, we were locked up after school.
Comes on , in middle age.
What baseball stories from the early days of the sport seem too bizarre to be true?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Diddy trial day 21 recap: 3rd victim takes the stand as judge threatens to boot Combs - ABC News
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
CVS is shutting down 271 stores in 18 states. Is your pharmacy affected? - NJ.com
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He knew the spot.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why do I feel like something bad is going to happen to me?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why do I like to eat my own cum?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
This is soul school!.
Why are so many young teenage boys misogynistic? Where do they get these attitudes from?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He resisted the act ,that day.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Can a relationship really last forever?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I could never make a relationship work though!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My life is so biszare .
Ive learnt so much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She married twice! .
Was to survive, this bastard.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I don,t even have a pension.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She found it foreign!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i do to all so called friends.?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I said to her
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And i lived it daily.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im still living with it.
All the time i was locked up.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I never cut or harmed myself..
What did i know ?
One cannot live in the past .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My family never makes their pension either.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But it wasn’t much.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why did i forgive my father ?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was 9 years of age.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
When she asked me how she looked .
She loved him until the end.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We all went to grammer schools
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was scared of men, in general
I was seconnd youngest,
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Put me off passion for life!!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She was in good health!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was very sick at this time too.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I will be 64.
I waited trembling.
It was going to be , some day.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I think the readers, may guess!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So, i spoilt her more .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So whats the point in blame.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I know ,a lot about trauma.